For some the thought of going to therapy makes them feel rather uncomfortable. Many say that it makes them feel a failure, weak and less than! So why is this? Recently I was talking about this very thing to an American friend of mine who found this completely bizarre. Her response was that everyone in the States has a therapist and it’s perfectly normal and common practise to see a therapist. So why is it in the UK that people are more reluctant to see a therapist? Oh, and keep it so secret when they do! Maybe it’s that British “stiff upper lip” attitude that is often talked about that hinders people to be able to express how they are really feeling. Often my clients mention that they feel a failure coming to see a counsellor and that they should be able to “sort their own problems out”.  As a counsellor I like to explore who taught them this paradigm and rewrite that belief.

Beliefs we hold have been programmed into us and can be tough to change not to mention scary. So, what is so scary about counselling? Well, the answer, is nothing! Someone once said, “there is nothing to fear but fear itself”.   So, what exactly is fear?  Well, someone explained fear to me in this way:

F - False
E - Evidence
A - Appearing
R - Real

Going to see a counsellor is a simple and fearless process. First you make an appointment and turn up. The first session starts with a contract between you and the counsellor. Basically, it’s just a chat about the process of counselling and the simple rules that the client and the therapist need to follow, for example, the therapist will keep all you say confidential. Once that is done and a few personal details are taken, the session can start.

The session is led by you, the client. What this means is that you talk about whatever you want and the therapist listens. The role of the therapist is to guide you through the journey of exploring your feelings, whether good or bad. What the client must remember is that they are in control of this process. So, if people are in control, they shouldn’t be fearful, right?

There are many different therapeutic types such as:

Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT)
Person-centred therapy
Psychodynamic therapy
Neuro-linguistic programming
Focused solution therapy

I feel at times that all these types of therapy can confuse and scare people off.  People often want to get the “best fit” for them and to go and find out about all the different types can be information overload.  What I often say to my clients is that they need not worry about all the different modes of counselling. All they need to do is just be open and talk. There is nothing to fear as the client is, metaphorically speaking, being led safely and securely by the hand along the journey of self-exploration by the counsellor.

Our fears, conscious or unconscious, are often buried deep down inside in a place where we want to keep them locked up because we believe that if they come up to the surface (to our consciousness) then we are doomed!  A counsellor will help the client explore these fears and assist the client in looking at them and releasing them.  It is this knowing by the client that these fears exist that could be the reason that they create a barrier to therapy in the first place.  But then why is it that across the pond our American cousins utilise therapy so frequently?  Are they really that different from us?  I think not.  I will leave that to you to decide. 

The journey of therapy is a journey of healing, and there is nothing to fear in a process that will lead you down a path of self-healing.  I want to emphasise here that it is the client that heals themselves, and not the counsellor that heals them.   The journey involves self-exploration, finding out what makes one tick, or not as the case may be.  

Let us mention again those paradigms.  These are beliefs that have been programmed in us from people, places, things, and experiences.  Some of these paradigms are positive but some are negative, and it is these “bad” feeling paradigms that can cause us suffering.  To make things worse, we are often not even aware of these paradigms, so people will often be completely unaware of why they feel so sad!  The role of the counsellor is to help the client explore those beliefs that they are aware of and those they are not aware of.  Once this happens then the paradigms can be changed.  Essentially, retraining the mind into more positive paradigms. I always feel it important that we should bring to the surface these negative beliefs so that they can be looked at and then released.  In addition, it is important for the client to see what, how or who implanted these beliefs in their consciousness in the first place.  This helps people understand why they feel the way they do; it’s a light bulb moment for some and is all part of the healing process.  The journey of therapy may take the client way back in the past and then comes the cliché question, “tell me about your mother”.   

Once things are explored and healed then the process of changing habits of thought can take place.  The client retraining the mind into a more positive way of thinking eradicating the old way of thinking and feeling.  At times there may be a call for these patterns of behaviour that are very well established, to be changed using Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT).  CBT is all about changing patterns of behaviour that have a negative impact on our wellbeing.  I am of the belief that it is all good and well to change patterns of behaviour using CBT methods, but we need to know where they came from in the first place so that we can look at them and then evict them from our minds before we can create a plan to change the habit, if not the habit will eventually come back because the inner subconscious belief has not been healed.   

Part of the therapeutic process is about removing the fears within us and replacing them with fearlessness.  So as previously mentioned above, fear stands for False, Evidence, Appearing, Real.  Indeed, is fear real?  Or is it just a false, unreal thought based on past experiences that we believe so strongly that it haunts us and causes suffering; this is a topic for another blog. 

All in all, therapy is healing the mind.  A process that is supported by a professional in a safe and secure place where a client can be open and most importantly not judged for what they say or how they feel.  If you look at society all you will see is judgement.  It’s so common place that most people do not even notice it.  In a counselling session, a person is in an environment where judgement is removed and that in of itself creates a peaceful place, an escape from one’s reality for a while; and thus there is nothing to fear from the process.